Category: Thoughts I’ve Had


I know I’ve written about by my dad in the past.  Today on Father’s Day, somehow, even though he’s been gone well over 20 years, I’m missing him more.  I am also celebrating that I had an amazing dad who taught me well.

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My dad was a CPA and showed my brother, sister and me the importance of hard work and always doing a good job.  By the age of 14, I was fully ensconced in helping with some of his accounts by doing entries on ledgers (no Excel spreadsheet or Quickbooks back then) and even preparing payroll for a local small restaurant each week.  I appreciate that I learned the value to a job well done from him.  It somehow was translated in my mind as “what I do is who I am” though.  Recent conversations with my siblings confirm similar beliefs about ourselves.  Maybe not such a bad thing.

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Dad taught us what he was taught.  He was the product of a father who was a CPA, the youngest of a large sibship, raised by his siblings when their parents died.  His mother was from an the elite Hulvey family from Sweetwater, Tennessee, whose homestead is a historical landmark along with the Tennessee Military Institute her father, Colonel Otey Crawford Hulvey, ran.

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And, maybe, just maybe, if more people did their best, no matter how routine, mundane, or repetitive our jobs may seem, the world would be a better place.

When I think of Dad, I remember all the good things because there were so very few bad things.  He was honest, hardworking, loving, kind, super smart, loyal, funny, and fun.

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He taught me to love the Steelers and the Pirates!  He passed on his great baseball abilities to his grandchildren.  Hardly a disciplinarian, but always an inspiration.  He made me want to be a better person.

I had moved away from home in 1978, and would only see dad once or twice a year.  I didn’t run home each time he had a health crisis.  Our family wasn’t that way, plus, I went through ten years of childbearing, and travel was not on the agenda.  The song The Living Years makes me cry every time, since I wasn’t there when Dad passed away, and I do believe I’ve heard my dad’s echo in my newborn baby’s tears.

Last, but not least, I’d like to acknowledge that my dad set the bar high.  I’ve spent years lamenting that my six children missed having a dad like mine.  Truth is – they are one in a million.

 

 

 

 

 

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I recently cancelled all but local channels, which has led to me viewing much more news programs than I have in years.  I had recently only sourced my news from the internet, except to occasionally watch a 60 minutes, 20/20, Sunday Morning, or other such program.   Actual picture of me watching TV.

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Photo Creator:James Steidl & Kyle Gruba – Copyright:©2008 James Steidl James Group Studios inc. – no copyright infringement intended.

 

On Sunday Morning last week, they spoke about loneliness.  The researchers they spoke to said they initially expected to find that those suffering from loneliness would be largely comprised of the elderly.  This turned out to not be true.  The pattern of loneliness they discovered involved the isolative, divisive world of social media and media in general.  How many friends do you have?  How many likes did your post get?  When did you last pick up the phone or get together with someone you love?

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Here I sit, isolated, and there you sit, isolated, and the real connection you and I may actually have available to us is mostly lost.  Yes, you may identify with me momentarily, or think I am right, but no interaction or conversation will take place which could lead to a deeper connection.  We will both believe our own truths filtered through our own needs.  Do whatever we need to reinforce our own beliefs.

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I am heavily involved in a local non-profit organization that presents personal growth seminars a minimum of every 6 weeks to our local South Florida community.  At these seminars, more than anywhere in my usual daily life, I have an opportunity to connect:  to feel heard, to feel a sense of value, to listen to what people are really saying.

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I’ve come to the conclusion that the world has reached a collective “not good enough” place of shame and isolation that could prevent many of us from experiencing the joy that is part of our everyday lives.  One of my favorite poets, Merrit Malloy, said in a poem I didn’t understand the first time I read it.  She describes how a victim thinks.

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She also said something profound about living in the present.

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Seeing others’ lives online so that we can envy or judge them.  I can’t decide which is worse.  I do know that neither serves me or nurtures me.

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Connection both serves and nurtures me.  I will continue to attend self-growth workshops, see a therapist as needed, speak to strangers at stores, and write my blogs.  Read more Merrit Malloy.

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The drought in connection in today’s world will potentially be the end of our civilization, just as the drought the Mayans suffered, leading them to scatter and disappear.  They ran away from the drought, leaving behind a paradise.

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Programs that help people connect are the hope for this world.

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Do I write this now to connect with someone?  If I say yes, I may have an expectation of an impact in the future by my posting this and I set myself up.  Or am I thinking it will be read by more people than it is, leading to disappointment.  Do I fail to dream of something that could happen, and believe no one will read it?  Again disappointment.

Here’s my take on life – I am writing this for me and my inner child.   No matter how the rest of my day goes, I have connected with myself today and looked at who I am and what I love about myself.  Definitely “good enough” stuff today.

scan0001 (2)My inner child.

At the very least, it got me into feeling, writing, and reading Merrit Malloy again!

 

 

 

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